[Note: This post originally appeared on theriveter.co as part of an installment series on the three pillars of Internalized Sexism (that is: how girls are trained into “underachieving”) supporting a public talk I gave on the topic]

The Third Pillar of Internalized Sexism: The Child’s Role

The foundational mythology of structural sexism is that there are only two gender roles available, male and female, and of those two –men are the grown ups in charge of society and women are the children not yet ready for serious responsibility.

Women are assigned the child’s role.

Earlier this month I led a rousing conversation at the Riveter’s flagship Seattle location, with a full room of female founders and leaders on the nature of Internalized Sexism. In today’s blog post we cover the third and final pillar of Internalized Sexism: The Child’s Role.

Remember that old trope from the 50s that “women can’t drive”? (You’re not to be trusted with machinery). Also, a perennial favorite: Women can’t manage finances responsibly (you’ll need someone else to do it).

By assigning women the lesser, childlike status the implication is that your mind is not as strong and powerful. Structural sexism says that women, like children, need an adult to resolve their thorniest, biggest challenges.

But in order for us to see critical social innovation and progress, we need you in your full adult power. In order for you to hit your personal milestones and experience your unique goals, we need you in your full adult power.

Ask yourself right now, what is the biggest challenge in my professional life that I can be aiming myself at?

Big challenges are what you are made for. Delegate the small stuff.

As a society, we need your leadership on that big challenge.

Women who found, lead in public, and gain real power risk backlash for daring to take on their full range of adult power.

Your ambitious leadership upsets the narrative of women as lesser. The threat of backlash is amplified for women of color, working class women and gender non conforming individuals.

So, although we have a growing cohort of female political, tech and business leaders few are willing to showcase their achievements. This is a result of the history of backlash and the threat of backlash. Very few women are willing to take full credit for the scope of their accomplishments. “My team,” they say, “I’d be nowhere without my team.”

While this may be true that your team is great, it deprives us of your genuine role modeling.

Taking credit for your ambition, your success and your hard decisions isn’t very ladylike, after all.

Without your story we stay convinced that good luck and a great team made you leader.

Is that really the case?

Clients like you see me for strategy when it’s time to showcase your achievements and tell your leadership story during pivotal times of transition and growth. I’ll tell you this –it never fails to amaze me, it is truly remarkable how many of us have confusion about our right to be at the helm, directing the entire ship.